14th June 2021

Give people the chance to learn from a mistake…
We often say, where children are concerned, that if they make a mistake, we should usually not make a big deal out of it, but rather realise that this was an accident and let them learn from it (or us use it as a way to teach them how they can learn from it). We also know not to do something for them, otherwise they will never learn.
Yet how many times do we do this in our personal lives with adults? Too often we are too quick to judge and condemn someone when they just make a mistake. We say to ourselves or others, things like: “They should have known better” or “They are always like that”. We sometimes even imagine that they have done it deliberately and not even think that it could have just been a mistake.
How often do we really try to put ourselves in their shoes and see things from their perspective? They may have said or done something which they genuinely thought would work and now, not only do they have to face the consequences and disappointment arising out of their actions, but they now also have you judging them for not being good enough!
Not only is that twice the amount of hurt or shame, it also means that you will have potentially taken away from them a valuable learning opportunity, as people usually become instinctively defensive when they feel like they are being criticised and, not only then try to justify their actions to you or themselves, but also become more entrenched in believing what they did or said was reasonable and find even harder to then admit that it was a mistake, to you or themselves. And it probably was also a mistake that you would have wanted to learn from, if you had been in their place.
So, next time something like this happens to someone around you (adult or child), try not to be too quick to judge them and give them the chance to correct their mistake.
It is what you would want somebody to do for you if the roles were reversed.




