5th July 2021

Don’t give somebody your advice unless you are specifically asked for it…
How often we become so eager and forthcoming to give our advice to someone about what they should do or say in any given situation, even though they have not specifically asked us for what we think! Yes, a person may be telling us about a problem that they have; and yes, it may seem that they are asking us what we think, but it is always far too easy for us to proffer our thoughts to them, even though they have not specifically asked us for them.
The advice we may be offering them may, in fact, be good; but it is not enough for us to say it, they also need to be prepared to hear it. In fact, giving advice when you are not asked for it, can even sometimes be counterproductive, as if the other person is just telling us something because that they want to get it off their chest and unburden themselves, if you then offer them your advice without being asked for it, they my actually become upset with you, because they may feel that you have spoken out of turn. So they may sometimes get defensive and end up doing exactly the opposite of what you are saying!
Also, even if you are fairly sure that they are, in fact, genuinely asking for your advice or your perspective, please be careful to always try to understand before you advise. Remember what I said previously about ‘active listening’. Make sure you are really hearing what they are saying, not just projecting onto them what you think they have said, or what you would like them to have said.
If you don’t do all of this, you may find that, to them, you are actually not helping and then just making a bad situation even worse!




